Getting in Shape As a Couple

When it comes to working up a sweat , two can be better than one! Here's why.

by Daryn Eller

Like a lot of couples, my husband and I share a passion for physical activity. Trouble is, we don't exactly share the same skills and strengths. So our typical fitness outings go something like this: When we go bike riding, we'll complete about two-thirds of the route together, then my husband will shoot ahead for the last third, circle back and finish by my side. That way, he gets the longer, harder workout he wants and I don't feel pressured to push myself beyond my limit. Likewise, when we go running, we split up near the end of the run and he goes home over the hilly route while I take the flats. Ultimately, we both get healthy and our marriage stays happy. "You're much more likely to stick with exercise if you have a partner to do it with," concurs C.C. Cunningham, a personal trainer in Evanston, Illinois. And working out as a couple can also give you some quality time together to catch up on each other's days and have good discussions — as long as you avoid these four potential pitfalls:

Fitness Feuds

"I've trained couples who have gotten into some knock-down-drag-out fights," reports Cunningham, "most of which generally occur when couples bring unresolved issues along with them to a tennis match or on a hike." Throw in some dissatisfaction about the way the workout is going (too fast, too slow, too many missed balls, etc.) and tempers can flare. But this is exactly what you shouldn't be dealing with when you're working out. "One of the benefits of exercise is that it's a stress reliever, but only if you leave your issues at home," says Cunningham. Still, pulling that off can be tough, especially if you're feeling really hostile. A tip for keeping calm when you're sweating together: Aim to put aside spats just for the duration of the workout. Since physical activity often has the effect of calming you down and clearing your head, it's likely that by the workout's end, the tension will have dissipated and you'll both feel much better — about yourselves and each other.

Competing Interests

It's great to be open to new sports, but "if you get into mountain biking just because your boyfriend's doing it, rather than because you're honestly enthused about it, you're going to end up feeling resentful or quitting," points out Cathy Sassin, director of Intrafitt, a fitness consulting company at Gold's Gym in Venice, California. To find common ground, sit down together and list every activity you'd be excited to pursue. You may discover that you were both Frisbee players in college and would love to take it up again or that you've both been curious about tai chi. It's also fair to alternate who gets to choose the activity on a given weekend. Another option: Schedule your preferred workouts at the same time and then meet up afterward. That way, you can still connect over exercise, even if you're not actually sweating side by side.

Leanness Envy

Another potential hazard for couples who work out together is jealousy, mostly because when it comes to workout results, "men tend to see them faster," says Sassin. "It's a lot harder for women to gain muscle and lose fat."

So if you and your mate are both trying to lose weight, it may be smart to take slightly different approaches to exercise — say, you do 40 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of weights and he does the reverse, 20 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of weights. Mesh your routines by joining a gym. You can go together, exercise alongside one another for part of the time, then do your own thing.

I'll Race You

There are always going to be physical disparities between two people, and in the best of circumstances, these differences can fuel competition in a good way, keeping each person motivated to push harder than if he or she were working out alone. Sometimes, though, it pays to level the playing field by making some adjustments. On a hike, for instance, have the stronger person carry all the gear. On a bike ride, have the faster partner ride in front to block the wind. On a run, let the speedier person go ahead for a few miles, then swing back and pick up the weaker runner for a few more. Or, you may just want to forget about competing side by side and compare yourself to yourself. In other words, don't ask, "Did I beat my boyfriend to the driveway?" Instead, ask, "Did I make it to the driveway faster than the last time?" Finally, keep in mind that getting in a good workout with your guy inevitably requires some compromise. Then again, what aspect of a relationship doesn't?